i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
