I just threw up on my dentist
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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