I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
