Kiss
Puke
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
