final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
