I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
