i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
