Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
