lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
now i know why i became what i already was.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
