So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
