I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
