I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i believe in u and ur pee
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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