Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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