HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
