So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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