So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
