I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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