Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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