Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you will always have a special place in my vag
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
