Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
