Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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