So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
