Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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