I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
