Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
