So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
