she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Randomize
