the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
