I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
