I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
