and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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