all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
