I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
