Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
