a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
