i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
