Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
