My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
