it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
