If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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