if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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