hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
