you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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