I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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