our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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