I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
