What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You are a genius and a whore.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
