11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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