drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
well you can't waste a boner
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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