I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
