Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
