I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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