I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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