So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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